What’s In A Name?

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Today I am kicking off 31 days of blogs for the month of October. I adore writing but have hesitated to share our family stories until we were ready. Now we are past ready… so here we go!

Last month, my husband and I had a terse moment when I was sharing a story about my first child’s birth. My child was assigned female at birth and it was his opinion that I should use the birth name and pronouns she/her/hers when telling the story. But I did not, nor do I intend to do so. And I want to share why.

At birth, I gave my child a name that meant clarity or clairvoyance. I believed this child was unique and going to be a visionary. And I still do. Honoring this vision, I recognize this name was not his true name but the vision of who he is. I choose to believe I had the wisdom to impart this child with knowledge of his own life. And in using this name and pronouns of choice, I am honoring this.

Please note, I wrote “I choose.” This is so important. This does not mean others will choose the same path or that I get to tell them what is the right path for them. In fact, the author Amy Ellis Nutt chose the exact opposite route in her amazing book Becoming Nicole. She chose to use her child’s given name and pronouns until the point of transition in her story. And it is perfect. Just as my path is perfect.

I am still working on being 100% consistent using my child’s name and pronouns as well as educating others. When I write and speak, it’s an ideal opportunity for me to practice and for others to encounter my child as his true self.

Lastly, I believe this is a conversation we need to have with our children and honor their request. This is not about my identity but it is about my son’s. How we communicate the stories may change in time. And that will be just as perfect. There is no right or wrong. It is an opportunity for a beautiful conversation, one of love for our child and for ourself. When we make choices from love, everyone wins.

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